Happy little thoughts!
Just incase you didn’t already know, I’M MOVING.. and it’s kind of a big deal!
This is going to be my very first home that is my own. Actually I have a housemate, two in fact, but only only one is human. However this is the first house I’m living in without family and have actual real bills to pay. It’s a whole new level of adult. I’m kind of scared, terrified even, that’s the word I keep usuing. So, I’ve decided it’s time to refocus. Today, I’m going to consider the things I’m looking forward to. The happier things.
It’s time to think about the things I love about my current home, and maybe what I’ll miss, but also the things I am excited about in the new house.
SEVEN things I love/will miss about home.
- Home – This house as been a part of my life for my entire life. It has always felt more like home than any other place I’ve lived. It’s my grandparents house. It was actually the first place I loved when I was born, not that I remember that. I spent every other weekend here for the first sixteen years of my life, plus as much other time as I could possibly squeeze in. Until, one day it became permenant. This place is home, it feels like home. It’s my safe haven, it always has been and I’m going to miss that.
- Chinese Food – I know it sounds weird but I’ve been ordering my Chinese take aways from the same place for about eight years, and I like it. I’ve tried other places but it’s just not the same. It’s the same with any food really, I know what I like and where from. Like my pizzas are from one place and my burgers from another. It’s the same with supermarkets. Aldi recently stopped selling the salads that I like, and it’s kind of upset me. I just like what I like. And, I like that here, I know where I can get it from. I guess figuring out where the supermarkets are is going to be top of my agenda when I move!
- Familiarity – So speaking of knowing what I like, I know that I like this run down town I’ve pretended to hate my entire life. I’ve always wanted to escape, dreamt of moving to London or literally anywhere else. Atleast, that’s what I thought I wanted. Now it’s happening I’m not so sure. I like that even though I don’t really venture out that much, I know exactly where eveything is. I recognise staff in shops, I know taxi drivers and some bus drivers, and I know how to get to where I need to be. I like that certain places hold memories.
- Rituals – Atypical made me think of this one. (Spoiler alert!) But I think we all have these things we like to do in a certain way. And a whole new environment means I’m going to have to create new rituals, but in hindsight, rituals and routines could be part of the problem.
- Understanding – As much as my family drive me up the wall, I like that they know me and my mental illness well enough to understand that’s why I am the way I am. I like that they know I need a lot of alone time, or that I struggle with sleep and my energy levels. I like that they know how to help me with it all. I mean,myself and my housemate have discussed things and we used to work together, so it’s not like we’re total strangers who know nothing about each other but I think I’m a hard person to deal with sometimes and it takes a lot to get used to and handle me.
- Friends – I’ve been spending more and more time with my friends recently, and making much more of an effort to be present in other peoples lives. My friends are all over the place so it’s not that leaving this town means leaving them behind but it doeas mean I won’t be as close to a lot of them. I’ll just have to keep at it when it comes to talking and staying in touch.
- Family – It’s small and kind of broken, and you could say the reason I am broken too. But those few I love, I love whole heartedly and can’t imagine being away from them. It’s going to be tough, and take a little while to adjust.
FIVE things I am looking forward to!
- Freedom – Not that I don’t have any now, I mean, I’m nearly thirty. But, I just like that I will be able to come and go without someone asking about my every move. It gets a little annoying, especially after ten years of it, being asked where you’re going or where you’ve been, who with, what did you do, what did you eat etc.. every time you leave the house. Even if it is just out of interest sometimes, it gets a little tiresome.
- Volume Control – I currently live with family, as I’ve mentioned before. My family are not quiet. I live with two people that have one setting when it comes to sound, loud. No matter the time of day, or what they’re doing, there is noise. I’m looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet.
- Exploring – I know I’m not alone in this, but my anxiety holds me back from doing a lot of things, including leaving the house frequently. I want to conquer that, and put myself out there more, get to know this new place I’ll be living in and explore as much as possible. I love little adventures, and I don’t want this big one (moving) to be the only one I have. In fact it was reading Hello Tea Jay‘s blog post, Three things I would do if I didn’t have Anxiety, the other day that got me thinking about this. It’s going to almost be like a first step in taking some control of my anxiety, if you don’t already consider the fact that I am moving etc.
- New Friends – I already know a couple of people over there, as well as my housemate, I don’t think I could have done this move otherwise. I mean, it must be ccompletely overwhelming to move to a whole new place entirely on your own? I’m not ready for that just yet. I’m excited to meet some new people, and hopefully make some new friends.
- Making my house a home – Interior Design has forever been an interest of mine I think it stems from watching so much Changing Rooms in the 90’s. That, and the fact I love pretty much anything creative. Looking back, they really did create some hideous rooms! In the ten years I’ve lived in this house I can’t even tell you how many different holes I’ve made in the walls of this bedroom from changing the decor so often. I’m leaving some things behind in the garage as I want to keep them but they won’t fit my new aesthetic this time around but I’ve got a lot of things that are already at the new house to make it look nice. I mean, as soon as we found a house we liked I’d planned out how I wanted my bedroom to look. Luckily, my future housemate, is fine with me taking the lead as far as decor goes. I am going to be in my element.
There we have it. I don’t really know how to summarise this. I mean, I’m experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions at the moment when it comes to the move. One moment I’m so excited and can’t wait to be in a new town where I won’t fear bumping in to all the shitty people I’ve ever known, the next I am terrified to leave the only place I’ve ever called home. Nearly thirty years is a long time to live somewhere, especially when it’s the place you grew up and the only place you’ve ever lived. If you could call it living. I’ve been struggling with the whole living side of life for a while now, I’m more just exisiting I guess. Anyway, before this takes a dark turn, I’m going to end it here.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post, and I would love to hear about your experience of leaving home for the first time? Have you done it yet? Are you planning to take that leap soon? I want to hear your stories!
Thank you for reading! B x